“I never promised you a rose garden,” is a book written by a woman working on things in her life that made her unhappy. She might have, but wasn’t, dealing with marriage problems, but the phase certainly applies to marriage Two people choose to join lives, each wanting a richer life than possible apart. And then it turns out that it’s not ALL reward, that we have to give as well as receive. Not “give-to-receive,” not a currency exchange. Giving can, and often is, its own reward. It can feel good to give! At least when we are not ourselves feeling deprived! And that can be a significant problem, feeling we give, don’t get in return.

In marriage, in rewarding relationships, we need to know that in the end things come out pretty much  50/50 .

We live in trying times today. Job security, often the foundation of marriage security is under threat. Jobs are not as available, are not compensated as well as they were for our parents, a reversal of the accustomed upward trend.

Other stressors that can take a toll on our intimate relations may involve children taking time away from the couple, aging parents, ourselves aging, illness, and countless others: I never promised you a rose garden!

Not all marriages “are made in heaven,” and may better serve both partners to separate. But usually people are drawn together for a reason and ending in separation or divorce is unnecessary, destructive.

Marriage, learning or relearning how to live together, the pleasure of giving and receiving, can be a very rewarding experience. Worth the effort of making it better!